New Love…Stories by Chuck Kelley
We think it’s the steak, but it’s the sizzle that drives us to action. In new love situations where information is lacking, we’ll go to the TellerVision, our inner storyteller, and crank that monkey up! Love is on the way!
His. Hers. HE is… SHE is…It’s all new! In the beginning, we are literally transported! Captivated and situationally hypnotized we invent stories elevating them stratospherically into a God or Goddess who smiles upon us from the mountain top. Or maybe that’s just me. That’s what I do. I make up stuff.
There are sooooo many benefits to doing it this way! Giving of ourselves 100% to the other is a given. Agreeing with their every everything is no question. Bending where we normally wouldn’t, who wouldn’t? Simply being in their presence is…I haven’t the vocabulary to do that justice.
From our intoxicated point of view; This…Perfect Being is…ah… Heaven. On. Earth. Of course, they deny any connection to the drift of our conclusions. But, we know better. It must’ve been a heavy burden they’ve carried to become who they are now. Yet, even still, while remaining incredibly humble, they provide us a private Utopia in which to live blissfully, everlastingly. Or until they summon the cheek to prove us wrong by behaving like normal people. You know, fucked up.
Now what? I’ll tell you what I do. I quit trusting them. I quit trusting them and I start watching their every move, like a Nighthawk! They are not going to get away with any more of that malarkey. I nip it! In the bud!
Who the Hell do they think they are trying to pull a fast one anyway? How dare them not live up to the bullshit I made up about them! People@#! Sometimes, I don’t know why I even bother. But, I do. You probably do, too.
Hope makes me stupid. A lot of things make me stupid when it comes to affairs of the heart. I am way seriously old enough to know better. Seriously. Nonetheless, at the slightest whiff of possible amour my brain contorts and I transform into a drooling loon. Welcome to my world. We’re probably neighbors.
It took me forever and then some to figure my way out of this mess. Time and time again, here one would come, I’d turn stupid, and off we’d go to the Funny Farm of Love. I’d be making up stuff about me, she’d be making up stuff about her, and we’d both be making up stuff about each other. You’d think the Heavens were about to burst wide open. You’d be wrong! Not one time was it Heaven or Heaven-like in any way, shape or form.
How could I have been so wrong? She seemed so angelic. Divine sweetness itself. When she gazed deeply into my eyes, I knew she was reading my Instruction Manual and everything was finally going to be ok. I guess she suffered with ADD, had poor retention, or something, because in no time at all she was treating me like a completely different kind of person. My soul is permanently impaired having witnessed her carrying on! If we hadn’t been up on a mountain and if I’d had a couple of more bars on my cellphone, I would’ve called my momma to get her opinion! No such luck.
Something had to give. I couldn’t take any more. This Roller Coaster heart shattering business had to come to a screeching halt. I was ready for a change! Except that, I was afraid I might not measure up. I was scared if she found out that I’m me, I wouldn’t be enough to hold her interest, much less anything else. When I feel this pitiful; anybody with a pulse and a limb or two who shows me even a hint of kindness would pretty much seem Goddess or God like. Damn, she might’ve been the one, too…
At last, through brilliant deduction, I deduced; if I could discover what makes me tick, then I’d know what makes them tick. Now we’re talking! Well, I am not even going to mention how many years that took. I’d dig out some info, try it, test it, keep the keepers, toss the tossers, rinse and repeat, ad nauseam, ad infinitum. Whew! Thank the stars I wrote it all down!
Demystifying myself to myself was every bit worth the journey. The continuing relief I experience is massive. I’m comfortable in my own skin and with who I am in the moment. Plus, having knowledge about the inner proceedings of others is extremely helpful and a hoot!
In the upcoming articles, we’re going to dig deeply into this love relationship thingy so that we can let it rip audaciously!